On Being Crazy
Lord bless my husband's patient heart. I married a gentle and patient man and for that I am immeasurably grateful. Because I am TRIPPIN these days. Flat out crazy. Who am I, even?
I am not an overly emotional person. Dramatic at times, yes, but emotional? Not really. I don't get crazy with PMS and I'm pretty level headed most of the time. But now?? This pregnancy, more specifically, this trimester, I'm on a whole other level.
Last week, I flipped out at Zach because he let my pancake get cold. He was supposed to call me upstairs when they were done (I was fixing my hair) and he forgot, and I had to eat a cold pancake. I mean cause God in heaven forbid. What a travesty. It was a serious argument and it ruined my morning.
There was also a day last week when I was super frustrated at the clutter in our basement because we are shifting beds around and selling stuff from our storage unit and everything was just everywhere. Cluttered house, cluttered mind. I was overwhelmed. And then Jonah was doing that four year old thing where he questions every single thing I say and tries to negotiate my life away and I was just SO DONE. Beyond done. I can't remember what brought on the argument exactly, but Zach just wasn't saying the right thing. I knew nothing would settle my frustration so I told him to just stop talking. He said, "no. You need to leave. Go get some coffee! Take a break!" I kept telling him to stop talking because at that point I was just too emotional to communicate that I didn't want to leave because I was in so much pain from bending and lifting all day, but he kept trying to solve my problems. Shame on him. The hormones exploded in a fury of nonsense and tears and it was awful. I was instantly sobbing hysterically.
Zach stopped talking then.
Jonah's starting to tune in to my cray and he'll say things like, "mom stop talking frustrated to dad." And apparently I breathe exasperatedly around him a lot because the other day when I let out a breath of frustration, he said, "mom stop breathing at me like that! It makes me so upset." AND when Emery dropped his cup and spilled a little water on the floor, he said, "UGHHHH!" and it sounded just like me and I was like, what is this life. Who is this crazy person living in my body? She needs ta GO.
Why am I so crazy this time?? I've never been this irrational and I hate.hate.hate.hate it. And I know once this pregnancy is over, I'm not going to instantly balance out. I know I've got several months of crazy hormonal shifts and balancing to look forward to and it exhausts me just thinking about it. Oye.
I'm considering encapsulating my placenta again to help with the postpartum crazy, but it's just so darn expensive. I'm not sure it's worth is this time. So feel free to leave me all the natural ways to balance hormones..during pregnancy and after. I need to tame this crazy train. Because even my children are starting to hide from me.