I'm Lowering My Expectations for 2015--and You Should Too
During our Thrive Intentionally live chat (you can watch the video here), we were talking about goal setting and someone asked me if my goals have changed for 2015, knowing that I have another baby on the way. Such a good question and one that I hadn't consciously thought about. My answer to that question is pretty simple. This year, I am 100% lowering my expectations.
Since it's January, and we're all in goal setting mode, I think it's important that we take a step down from ideal and focus on reality. I am an extremely goal oriented person, so when it comes to creating new goals to accomplish, I get a little excited. I go a little crazy. This year, when I sat down to write down my goals, one of the first things I wrote was "have a baby". Zach laughed at me, because can it really be a goal if it's something that inevitable? And to that I say, hec to the YUH. Creating a human is hard work. Delivering a human is hard work. Having a new human living in your house is harder than both of those things combined and times 100 million. Writing that goal down before I wrote anything else helped me keep my goals simple and realistic. Having a baby changes everything and I'm not going to expect myself to be superwoman. I'm going to have three kids. Two of which will be under the age of two. Two in diapers. I have to give myself permission to relax, take care of myself, and not put any unnecessary pressure on myself to do more, be more, or have more. I have to be ok with whatever the newborn stage brings and whatever that means for my productivity and home life.
So, 2015, I'm officially lowering my expectations. There are things I want to do this year for sure.
I want to speak at a conference.
I want to land a book deal.
I want to cut out white carbs and sugar after the baby is born.
I want to read all the books on my "to read" list.
I want to be more intentional about my friendships.
I want to start a Bible study/small group for the women in my community.
But I know that I might not be able to do those things. I might be able to do some of them, I might be able to do all of them, but I might not. And I have to be ok with that. You have to be ok with not meeting all of your goals too. Mamas, we put enough pressure on ourselves throughout the year and we don't needed the added stress that New Year's "resolutions" bring. Set your goals, dream your dreams, and create a plan to make those things happen. But don't kill yourself trying to get there. Don't beat yourself up if you fail. Don't sacrifice your sanity and your time with your family to make some arbitrary goal a reality. Celebrate little wins. Even if they seem teeny and insignificant, celebrate them. Pat yourself on the back and call it a day.
And don't even think about comparing yourself to any other single person in your life or on your newsfeed. Forgettaboutit. You don't see their whole story. Remember that some people just like to post things on social media that make themselves look like they have it all together. Some people live their entire lives like that, even offline. They only let people in on the highlights, and never on the ugly failure stuff. That's not you. You're real. You understand that people fail and life can't be all sunshine and rainbow farts. Remind yourself of that when you're tempted to compare yourself to the mom who seems to have it all together. She doesn't. She's faking it. And even if she isn't, even if she has her ish 100% together and she's better than you at everything, don't fall into the comparison trap. You can only do so much. Trying to do more than what your mind and heart and soul can handle will benefit no one. Accept defeat when you have to and try again another day.
All that being said, let's get to making 2015 the best year ever. Strengthen your weaknesses, make things happen, achieve your goals, dream your dreams. Just don't fall into the fetal position and cry yourself to sleep if and when one of those goals falls through the cracks. Let's all fail together and then we'll laugh about it later.