For almost two years, we lived in the question mark. We always had a question on our lips. Will Zach find a job? Did we make the right decision? How are we going to pay that bill? Will we be able to buy groceries this week? Will we ever get out of the basement? What is our purpose? Have I missed my calling? Every day it was something else to question and worry about. We were lonely, a little bit lost, a lot apprehensive, and just so done. There were days when I was so frustrated, I just yelled all day. I cried. I punched the shower wall a few times. It was exhausting. Nobody enjoys the waiting room. Especially when you don't even know what you're waiting for. Your head and your heart are full of questions and fear snuggles in and makes itself at home. You're surrounded by voices. Well meaning family members, trusted friends, random strangers, blog posts, podcast preachers, and books. Everyone has something to say. Everyone has an opinion. And yet, there you are in the waiting room, trying to drown out all of the noise, full of questions and absolutely no idea what to do. I've been there. And what happens next is exciting.
Soon you'll move from the question mark to the ellipses. You'll stop asking "Why?" and "How?" and start asking, "What's next?". Excitement will replace your fear. Peace will replace your worry. You may not have all the answers yet, but you'll start to sense things shifting. Purpose will hang in the air and you'll know that God is doing something. You won't know what or when or how, but those questions won't matter anymore.
There is rest in the ellipses.
God is not in the business of leaving his children hanging. I know it might seem like he's forgotten you. Abandoned you, even. You're probably angry, and with good reason. You're worried about your family, your future, and your finances. Nothing seems to be working out and you're not sure you can make it another day. But you can and you will. Not just because you have to, but because God is faithful.
For two years, we struggled and we strived and we didn't get any answers. Zach and I all but walked away from our faith because we just couldn't understand why God was being so distant and silent. We ran from our callings and blocked out any and all wisdom that came our way because it didn't fit our idea of what we wanted for our lives. We spent way too much time in the question mark. And then all of a sudden, almost out of nowhere, things became clear. We were wrong. We needed to repent. God wanted to do something and we weren't letting him. It took a few weeks for us to let it all sink in, but once it did, we chose to step into the ellipses. We chose to believe that God was good and that he had something bigger for us than what we wanted. We chose to sit. And wait. And listen. And rest. No more striving and seeking out our own will.
And that's when things started happening.
Less than three months after we moved from questioning to resting, we were on our way to Massachusetts. Zach took a job in full time ministry after we swore we would never be in full time ministry again. Funny how things work out. Our season of questioning and waiting is over and what is happening now is bigger and better than I could have ever imagined. Whatever season you're in, whether you're full of questions in the waiting room, or you're resting in the ellipses, I hope you'll find comfort knowing that God has not forgotten you. Rest in the knowledge that his love for you is irrational and that he only wants good things for his children.
And for goodness sakes, get out of that waiting room and REST.
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