Every day I try to be purposeful with my time and a lot of days I fail. Yesterday was one of those days. I just got so into what I was doing, whether is was folding laundry, or responding to e-mails, or realizing my website was down..yet AGAIN. I just focused on all the wrong things and my kids got the short end of the stick. It feels awful when that happens. So much guilt. At the end of the day I just felt like I'd accomplished ZERO things AND I didn't have the quality time with my boys that I should have, given the fact that I'm home with them all.day.long. So I gave up and instead of just shutting every thing off and refusing to do any more things, I just dove even deeper into my things and let my kids play by themselves and continued to be snappy with everyone who whined, cried, or touched me. Cause sometimes I'm awesome like that. Then I had the brilliant, kind of out of character for me, idea to turn on some worship music while I tried to do ... something. I can't remember what. I pulled up spotify and clicked on Audrey Assad's face and the first song that came on was just so good. I used to listen to this two years ago on repeat. Seriously all the time. When the song came on I instantly realized that I everything I was doing was counter productive. Take a listen.
I cannot hope to be anything more to my kids but a stressed out hair brained crazy lady until I learn to rest. How can I think that I'll be able to give anything to anyone when I'm not standing still long enough to receive anything? The well only goes so deep and I need to rest in Him.
So today I'm going to turn down the volume, step away from the distractions, be with my kids and just REST.