It's Not My Job To Keep My Husband From Looking At Porn

Once upon a time, I was in a healthy relationship with a boy that I loved very much. We had no secrets. We talked about everything, were completely committed to each other and were even discussing the possibility of getting married. We dated for two and a half years and not once during our relationship did I feel the need, nor did he ask, for me to send him naked photos. In fact, during our entire relationship, we never saw each other naked. Not once. That is ... until our wedding night. I am proud and have been told that I'm a little too braggy about the fact that the first time Zach and I shared the most intimate thing a man and woman can share was on our wedding night. We'd said our vows, celebrated our commitment to each other, and then we got our hanky spanky on. It was amazing and I am so thankful that I found a man who valued my worth and his own worth enough to wait for the goods until we'd honored Christ first with our marriage.

This whole celebrity nude scandal is a mess. What happened to these women was nothing short of a sex crime, fully deserving of imprisonment and whatever else our judicial system decides to do with the criminals. I hope they catch them and I hope they never see the light of day again. These women's privacies were invaded on a level I can't even comprehend and I am horrified and embarrassed for every single one of them. While I don't think sending nudes to anyone (even on snapchat-come on, people.) is a wise decision, I would never condemn someone for doing such a thing. I know most of the women whose photos were stolen were in long term healthy relationships and their photos were sent within the "privacy" of a healthy relationship. What happened to them is in no way their fault, or the fault of their significant others. Just because I don't think sending intimate photos through technology is a great idea, they didn't give anyone permission to view their naked body other than the person they sent those photos to. Shame on every single person who looked at those photos. Shame on you a hundred million times.

Jennifer Lawrence recently made a statement about the whole ordeal. I feel like the world has been waiting to see what she would have to say since her photos have been the most talked about out all of the women who were victimized. I loved her statement up until she said this :

"It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you" 

Come ON, J-Law! Are you kidding me? I'm so beyond disappointed in that one sentence. I'm ticked off about it and I hope she comes forward and recants it because not only is it sexist against men, it perpetuates this idea that it is the girl's responsibility to keep her man away from porn.

It's Not My Job To Keep my Husband From Looking at Porn
It's Not My Job To Keep my Husband From Looking at Porn

Girls. Women. Ladies. Please do not believe this lie. It is not your responsibility, nor your job, nor your service to your spouse, to keep him away from porn. If you ask your boyfriend, fiance, husband, whatever, not to look at porn and he says, "Well then I need some photos of you cause I need to look at something..." just. Run. As far away and as quickly as you can. If you're married, get that man in to see a counselor because his sexual addiction is way beyond your help. That is a self control problem and your naked photos won't solve it. I have known many a boy who has played the victim to his sexual addictions and I'm so over it that it's nauseating. "It's the way we're wired.", "At least I'm not cheating on you!", "Well you're not putting out, I have to get it from somewhere!" I've heard it all. And they are all lies straight from the pit of hell.

Shame on every woman who thinks the man that they love is so weak in his sexual impulses that he can't refrain from opening up a website and wanking off to other women. Guess what? HE CAN. And guess what else? You don't have to be his porn. Don't think for one second that by you sending him nudies that he's not going to go back to his favorite porn sites and visit his favorite bodies. Now. I'm not saying that it's wrong for a wife to send her husband a little playful photo every now and then. Definitely not. In fact, I'm pretty sure my husband wishes I trusted the internet and my photo sending abilities enough to send him a little look-see once in a while, but if your purpose in sending vulnerable pictures of yourself to anyone is to keep them from looking at someone else, you've got it all mixed up.

My wonderful husband is very open about his pre-Jesus struggle with porn addiction. It didn't disappear when he chose to commit his life to Christ, but it no longer controlled his private time. He has never, and will never say that he's not tempted to go back to that addiction. A struggle is a struggle and he has gone to great (almost laughable) measures to ensure that he never walks back to that temptation. And if your husband is struggling with those things, Zach would be happy to chat and give him some suggestions on how to guard his mind against sexual sin. All that being said, Zach's commitment to keep himself pure empowered him to help keep me pure as well. He never crossed a line in our relationship. Well. I say he didn't, he might disagree, but our ideas on what is crossing the line vary a little bit. The point is, his love and respect for me always beat out (no pun intended) his personal desires. Because of that, I have never once doubted him, suspected him, or distrusted him. The fact that he was able to keep his pants zipped until our wedding day gives me full confidence that I married a man who will always love me and respect me, even when sexual temptation is staring him in the face.

But lest you think Zach is arrogant in his sexual purity, let me clarify. While he says he'll never cheat on me (and I believe him with all of my heart), he doesn't convince himself of that because he refuses to get lazy in his fortitude with keeping his temptations and former addictions at bay. It's an area of his life that he consistently submits to Christ and prays about and he is quite literally always taking measures to protect his mind and his heart from sin.

So, I say all that, not to brag (maybe a little bit), but to say that it is possible to find and marry a man who hasn't given himself over to the way they're "wired". You don't need to put out, to send photos, or to emit any kind of sexual energy to keep your man from looking or lusting after other women. I'll say it again : IT'S NOT YOUR JOB. That responsibility rests solely on the man you're with and if he's not man enough to control his urges, he's not man enough to be with you.

I'm writing this from the perspective (obviously) of a Christian woman married to a Christian man, but this is truth that is truth regardless of the reasoning behind it. I don't care if you're in a healthy sexual relationship with your boyfriend of however many years. I'm not going to judge you and I'm not going to tell you you should stop and get to the church to get forgiven of your fornication. I'm not going to hold you to the same standards that I hold myself because you don't believe what I do and that would just be pointless, right? I'm not interested in starting a debate about morals and ethics and values. I'm just talking to you, woman to woman, and begging you to please stop believing the lie that your boyfriend will look at you or he'll look at porn. It is definitely not a one or the other type of thing. Men are stronger than their sexual desires and anyone that tells you otherwise is either lying, misinformed, or is just trying to get a little glimpse at your goods.

Women should never use their bodies as a tool. Ever. Your body is amazing and does amazing things and I hope that you will never cheapen it by snapping a naked selfie and sending it over the extremely unreliable internet as a means to keep your significant other from wandering. Men can be better than that, I swear to you.

Here is my proof on our wedding day 6 years ago :