I Was Not Expecting a Positive

I wrote this the day I found out we were pregnant. I think it's kind of funny now, all the clues that went mostly unnoticed, but in the moment, I was unbearably overwhelmed and had a really, really, difficult time processing it all. I'll share more about that mental drama later. HA. Are you ready for that, internet? We'll see, I guess. Anyhoo. Here's how we found out about baby number three.

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One week before test :

Standing in the kitchen with no life behind my eyes. 

Zach : What's wrong? Are you sick?

Kristen : No, I'm just so tired. I don't know what's wrong with me.  I just can't shake it. UGH.

Three days before test : 

Kristen : What do you think about having more kids?

Zach : I think I'd be ok if we didn't have any more biologically. I'd like to adopt our third.

Kristen : Yea?

Zach : Yea.

Kristen : You know, surprisingly, I'm ok with that. I think I'd be totally fine with never being pregnant again.

Night before test : 

Zach was cooking chicken to freeze for meals and I couldn't even be on the same level. Had to hide downstairs under a blanket and almost threw up when I smelled Emery's chicken flavored hair. 

Kristen : If I'm pregnant, I'm gonna freak out. This better be just crazy sickness.

Zach : It's probably just crazy sickness

In my head : "no it's not". 

Morning of test : 

Woke up feeling realllllyyyy sick. 

Kristen : Zach. I think I'm pregnant.

Zach : Really?

Kristen : Yea, unless i just have medium grade nausea for two days...

Zach : That's possible.

Kristen : Yea.... It's possible...

While driving Zach to work to drop him off for his business trip. 

Kristen : I really don't want to be pregnant. I can't be pregnant. This can't be happening. I'm definitely pregnant. Dangit. I can't be pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I can't be.

Zach : Wow, you're really serious about this. I didn't think you were really that opposed to the idea.

Kristen : Oh I'm opposed. Let's budget a pregnancy test just to ease my mind a bit.

Zach : Sure.

Drop Zach off at work and drive to walmart with both kids. Buy a box of pregnancy tests and a bag of pads...just in case this is period sickness. Please be period sickness. If the cashier comments on the irony of my purchases, I'll say, "I'm hoping for the best, but prepared for the worst." And I'll just let her interpret that as she will. 

Get home, get all the stuff ready to go on our trip to Georgia. Pregnancy test is just staring at me. Get the boys packed up, buckled in and ready to go. Tell sister, "I'm just going to the bathroom real quick, be right out." 

Pee on the pregnancy test, set it on the counter to do the testing thing. I remember the cucumber that I saw on the kitchen counter upstairs. All of a sudden that's all I can think about. I need that cucumber. It needs to be in my belly right now. It feels better just thinking about it. Run upstairs, chop that cucumber up, and eat it like it's going out of style. So good. Why does that taste so good right now? 

Walk downstairs and notice that my stomach is cramping a bit. Sigh...I think I just wasted $5 taking that stupid test. It's gonna say "not pregnant", I'm gonna get my period immediately after and then I'm going to be annoyed, but relieved. 

See the test upside down. Does that say pregnant? That doesn't say (pick up the test)

"OH SH$%."

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And here is the photo I texted to a couple of friends with just the words, "Oops."